How to Practice Radical Candor Without Damaging Relationships
We often remain silent when we observe unhelpful discrepancies that don’t align with our values or shared principles. What do we do? Most of us bite our tongues. But when is it right to speak up? This can apply to rules, commitments, and other situations where we may feel the need to say something. The initial challenge lies in determining when to speak up. Is it worth it? I have said that a million times to myself. We must realize this is a great question and it serves a function. Will what I’m about to do cause too great of a threat that it may end the relationship? That is typically the last thing want but we also don’t want to carry the heavy weight of not being authentic. Answering the following 3 questions helps me in times of radical candor.
Win with Facts: What are the true facts? Ground your argument in accurate and verifiable evidence. Ensure your assertions are correct and supported by data or reliable sources.
Win with Outcome: Will this contribute to a meaningful and beneficial change? Consider the potential impact of your intervention.
Win with Kindness: Is what I’m about to say kind? Approach the conversation with respect and consideration. Express your concerns with empathy and a focus on constructive dialogue. Don’t take anything personally.
This framework is called ‘Win on the Way In’. If from the start we can come from a place that aligns with the above, we will be in a winning position on the way into the conversation. This can save you a ton of stress. Think about it, if you start from a grounded, confident, and kind perspective, the worst case is they show their immaturity. You are the one who is grounded in facts, confident in the worth of the position, and kind in approach and execution. If someone attacks you, that looks bad on them. If the other party(s) disagree, that is different. Especially if the conversation is brought up by an individual or group that you seek to impress, having your confidence shatter can be embarrassing. This may be true but this is not completely true. The idea is to stand up for what you believe to be proper. From this place, there are only lessons learned.